Notes from Evil Bender

…I actually mean that. In her Salon interview, I really come away feeling that she’s a pathetic figure, in every sense of the word. She’s obviously bought into the patriarchal expectation for women to the extent that she can’t be happy, and can’t imagine anyone feeling different. So then of course she creates her blog and says that anyone who feels differently from her must be wrong, you know, because she’s so obviously right. Let’s trace the line of her troubles:

I recently started dating someone very special and he is committed to remaining chaste as well. I am so attracted to him that I’ve sometimes caught myself fantasizing about him. But I’m able to stop myself and think, “Is this really how I want to envision my relationship?” Because even if I did fantasize every kind of sex imaginable with him, I would be limiting our relationship. If it’s God will that we are to be married, then I risk thinking “Oh, I hope it’s like [my fantasies]!” And it will disappoint me if he doesn’t touch me where I imagined him touching me at the moment I imagined him touching me there.

Dawn Eden believes that the only worthwhile fantasies are those that are fully realized. I think that speaks for itself. But of course he true fantasies aren’t about sex, as she explains with surprising honesty. But first, of course, she has to pull some “facts” out of her ass to try to justify herself:

It’s been found that the individuals in America who have the most frequent and most orgasmic sex are married couples who worshipped once a week.

As The Lizard Queen pointed out to me, the passive voice is interesting here. In fact, it strikes me as a dodge that would make a creationist proud–claim something, provide no evidence, and count on their being enough to distract your audience that they don’t notice and believe you anyway. And Dawn Eden really, really needs us to believe that the way to have good sex is to get married because it’s the only thing she cares about:

 Have you ever slept with a guy you didn’t fantasize about marrying?

Certainly I have slept with guys who I knew wouldn’t marry me.

But she would have married them if they’d shown any interest. Notice she doesn’t even raise the possibility that they might not be good enough to marry. See, she can’t imagine it might be the man who isn’t marriage material (whatever that means).

The real elephant in the middle of room with regard to my book is the fact that I never discuss what is going to become of me if I don’t get married. The reason why is because as I was writing, I didn’t want to think of what would become of me if I didn’t get married. It was too frightening to imagine.

Hence the sadness. Dawn Eden wants to get married, and she’ll do anything to get there. For God’s sake, she can’t imagine anything worse than single life. She’s fully internalized the idea that the only reason for a woman to exist is to marry a good man. And despite the damage she does by giving conservatives a “model” for the “former liberal” (read the interview and see if you buy that), I can’t help but feel that her story is a tragedy, not because she used to have sex, but because she’s never made a sex-based decision that wasn’t about her ability to hook a man.