Notes from Evil Bender

Hi all! It’s still quiet around here, I know, and that will continue for the next couple of weeks, I’m afraid, but then I should have more free time for commentary and idiot bashing, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, I couldn’t pass up noting the blog of one Alex Cortes (h/t to Jamelle for the link).

Alex’s blog is a forum for his ultra-conservative Catholicism, bigoted gibberish and general stupidity. There isn’t a single post over there that isn’t hilariously awful, but I have to comment on the latest in the long line of wingnut hatred for the Vagina Monologues. There’s the usual gibberish that demonstrates Alex doesn’t know that not everything that’s said in a monologue is actually the personal opinion of Eve Ensler, but it’s all standard stuff anyone who has ever followed the faux “controversy” around the Monologues has seen before. It’s all standard, that is, until he starts saying things that even most wingnuts would be embarrassed to admit:

As previously mentioned, the other purpose of the play is to empower women through the means of sexual activity. The definition of empower is to give power or authority to; in this case to women. However, true empowerment only comes from exertion of the mind and body towards that which is at least of decent nature.

You can guess where this is headed. I suppose Alex would find it intolerant to point out that, by his own definition, empowerment doesn’t mean “telling women what they can and can’t do with their bodies.” You see, even though his own definition contradicts him, Alex is really grossed out by the idea of sexual pleasure:

In one monologue, a character says, “She makes me play with myself in front of her and she teaches me all the different ways to give myself pleasure so I’ll never need to rely on a man.” The described masturbation and other forms of sexual lewdness throughout The Vagina Monologues are certainly not of decent nature and thus do not empower women.

It must be hard to live your life in a morass of unexamined assumptions–like that idea that masturbation is gross, or the idea that experiencing pleasure without someone else’s penis involved*–but Alex is the man for the job.**

I can’t help but feel a little sorry for Alex, actually. In AlexWorld, merely learning how to take pleasure from one’s own body is lewd. I’m stunned he was actually willing to type the word vagina. And I’m pleased he didn’t refer to his dick or rod or johnson.

You see, like that common blight of the blogosphere, the trollus concernus, Alex says he’s looking out for women, who he says shouldn’t be empowered, at least not if empowerment means knowing such icky details of how their bodies work or discovering that a vibrator could provide them sexual pleasure. After all, once they have their dildos, what use would they have for a Nice Catholic Guy like Alex?

Actually, if I were Alex, I’d be worried about that too, since it’s obvious he couldn’t bring anything like rational conversation or genuine concern for his partner to a relationship.

That said, I think someone should make a documentary. The entire thing would be filming Alex’s reactions to watching Rent. I’d watch it!

*Or someone else’s vagina, if you’re male. Alex at least has the decency to find male masturbation evil, too.

**In another post, he blathers about why the church thinks masturbation is wrong, but it’s about the level of intelligence you’d expect from a bunch of supposedly chaste men who spend their time telling other people what to do with their sex lives. Not that all Catholics are creepy prudes, of course, but with Ratzi in charge, their leadership certainly has no shortage of disturbing prudery.