Notes from Evil Bender

I’ve been debating whether to weigh in on recent discussions around the blogosphere about prostitution’s place–or lack thereof–in society (Ann has a great recap of a number of relevant posts on the issue). The reason I’ve been hesitating is, I must admit, only that, as a man, I hesitate to say anything at all on this. I’m not directly affected by the issue, as I’ve never paid for sex and am privileged enough to have never been forced to do anything more degrading than answer phones for telecom companies, so my perspective is as an outsider. After some consideration, I’ve decided that it’s better to speak on an issue I feel strongly about than to remain silent for fear of what the reactions might be. If you don’t want to hear what a straight white boy has to say about prostitution, I certainly won’t hold it against you. For those interested, my thoughts are below the fold.

First, let me say this: as we all know, prostitution, as it is practiced in the U.S. (the only culture I feel even marginally qualified to comment on in this context) is, far too often, a vehicle for the mistreatment, abuse and degradation of women. In addition, it disproportionally affects marginalized groups, such as women of color and poor women. Whether prostitution remains illegal or not, those problems will just disappear.

That said, my problems with prostitution are entirely concerned with how prostitution actually works in our society, not with the act itself. That is, I believe that one’s right to one’s own body extends to selling sex. One thing I would hope to find from a decent legalization program would be safeguards to ensure that women–and men–who sell sex would have protections to help ensure they also have the right to not sell sex. I’m not naive enough to believe that problems of mistreating prostitutes go away because of legalization, but I’m damn sure that keeping prostitution illegal isn’t going to solve the problem.* Actually, it seems to me that the illegality and stigma of prostitution are perpetuated by the false divide between those who sell sex and all of those who don’t sell sex directly, but who push women to trade marriage and sex for a suitably shiny ring.**

What I want is for consenting adults to be truly free when it comes to their sexual relationships. I want them to be free to have only monogamous relationships, to be free to have obligation-free sex with many partners, to pay for sex, to be paid for sex, and everything in between. Keeping prostitution illegal works against this in two ways: by making consensual sex a crime and by making it far more likely that prostitutes will be trapped without real choices.

Which brings me to my main concern. By discussing prostitution as though it is isolated, or even that it is its own phenomenon, we risk failing to note that it is instead a particularly heinous representation of a much larger problem: that even those who never need to consider selling sex are too often forced into desperate and degrading jobs, both legal and illegal. I’m certain that most, say, service industry jobs are not nearly as dangerous, degrading or miserable as the work a streetwalker does. But they are often of the same kind: a job where one is paid to take abuse from other human beings. The scale may differ drastically, but that does not mean both are not exploited.

Please understand: I’m in no way trying to minimize the very real problems that face sex workers. I don’t doubt that the vast majority of sex workers face situations so horrendous that I cannot truly imagine them. So when Amanda notes that

But even for argument’s sake, there’s a handful of women that have managed to scratch out a living charging guys for having the share and share alike sex that people who actually love sex tend to have—they’re so very much the exception that the fact that their stories drown out the exponentially more common stories of women who want out or women who don’t like the work, but do like the pay, that I’m suspicious of their place in the debate.

I take the point very seriously. Women should absolutely not be forced into prostitution due to a lack of other options, and I hope we can work to find ways to give those women options. But I think the problem extends far beyond the borders of illegal sex work: I know too many people who are miserable, who work in miserable jobs for wages on which they can barely survive, and who do so because they have no options.*** I myself have set outside of my place of employment, literally sobbing at how miserable every minute made me. Fortunately, I got medicated and eventually ended up with a job I love. But not everyone is so lucky. People don’t have savings, they have huge debt, they’re losing their houses, and if they’re lucky enough to have health care, they can still go bankrupt if they fall ill. Predatory credit, corporate welfare, the War in Iraq and so much more have destroyed the wellbeing of constant Americans. And I want to make sure that if we can, through legalization, better enforcement and better options for prostitutes make sure that no one prostitutes herself out of necessity, that we can also push for broader reform so that everyone is paid a living wage and that no one is forced to do degrading work they loathe in order to merely survive.

Simply put, we face a system that has almost no safety net, that leaves people–most especially the poor, women, people of color, LGBT people, and those with disabilities–without options, without safety, and without hope for the future. The fundamental problem is that people are trapped. Until we deal with this problem, the situation will continue to be grim indeed.

*If prostitution is going to remain illegal, we could start reform by insuring that prostitutes can  go to police without fear of arrest. The disproportionate affects of “enforcement” as we practice it–where prostitutes can end up in a lot of trouble, but johns are generally unaffected unless they happen to be famous would also be a good way to look at reform.

**The whole idea of “why buy a cow if you get the milk for free” should sufficiently illustrate that many “social conservatives” view sex as a fiscal transaction in every bit as disturbing a way as does prostitution–perhaps more so, since prostitution is honest about what is taking place: a trade of sex for money.

***Full Disclosure: my opinion may be skewed by the fact that I’ve known sex workers who absolutely loved their jobs, as well as those who hated them. But I can say with confidence that not all sex workers stay in their jobs because they have to: their are those who like them. I don’t say this as an excuse for the problems facing prostitutes, but rather to indicate that my personal experiences are certainly reflected in my analysis of this issue.