Notes from EB exclusive: portion of the new McCain stump speech October 8, 2008
Posted by Evil Bender in Comedy, John McCain, News and politics.trackback
Fresh off his thrilling performance in the debate last night, John McCain seems revitalized and ready to ride his wave of cranky momentum to the White House! Eager to capitalize, the McCain campaign has crafted a new stump speech, which I exclusively reveal below:
One trick is to tell em stories that don’t go anywhere – like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. “Give me five bees for a quarter,” you’d say. Now where were we? Oh yeah – the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…
I’m kidding, of course. Abe Simpson is far more personable than McCain, and wouldn’t have called Obama “that one” and refused to shake his hand.
(Note: this isn’t really an exclusive. As a quick google search informed me, I’ve been awesomely beaten to the punch.)
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