Seriously, wingnuts, you’ve got to stop this October 22, 2009Posted by Evil Bender in Humor, wingnuts.
Please, please, please stop publishing lists of “Top Conservative ________.” Yes, they’re unintentionally hilarious, and yes, they’re misguided, and yes, their obsessive concern with ideological purity is creepily totalitarian. But that’s not why you should stop–if you stopped doing all those things, what would you feel countless pages at WingnutDaily and ClownHall? No, you need to stop because it’s been scientificially proven* that laughing too hard can cause one to “blow a funny fuse,” to use the technical term, and if I read one more of these lists, I won’t be able to laugh again for years.
Then I’d have no choice but to take you seriously, and frankly we both know you’re not up to that.
So please, stop publishing these lists. Do it for the laughter!
*no it hasn’t.
“Uncomfortable Plot Summaries”: Red Dawn April 17, 2009Posted by Evil Bender in Blogging, Humor.
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A friend of mine sent me a link to this list of “Uncomfortable Plot Summaries.” They’re often funny, sometimes quite insightful, and occasionally extremely offensive (you’ve been warned). But one of them is absolutely perfect:
RED DAWN: Despite shock-and-awe tactics, a superior occupying force is no match for a tenacious sect of terrorist insurgents.
Where Comic Books meet “Conservative Film Criticism” February 17, 2009Posted by Evil Bender in arts and culture, Comics, Film, Humor, wingnuts.
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Watchmen SPOILERS below the fold.
This comment at Yglesias’ place just Won The Internet:
The Onion wins again September 5, 2008Posted by Evil Bender in Humor, Origins, Religion.
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What a wonderful and hilarious rebuttal to the “science is just another relgion” nonsense.
George Carlin dead at 71 June 23, 2008Posted by Evil Bender in Blogging, Humor.
As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, we’ve lost a truly great one: George Carlin, one of the funniest, most insightful and smartest comedians ever to grace a stage. He’ll be missed.
I was quite sad when I heard the news, but then I realized Carlin would probably want to smack me for that. So I’ll celebrate his life instead. The next time someone in power spews some bullshit, I’ll do my very best to call them on it. That was Carlin’s great gift to us–not just to be funny, but to do it in service to reminding us that nothing is sacred, and that we shouldn’t rely on conventional wisdom and what the powerful try to sell us.
And because I can, I’ll be raising a glass of Scotch in Carlin’s honor tonight; I don’t know how he felt about Scotch, but it’s how I’d like people to honor my memory.
Best Meme Evar June 18, 2008Posted by Evil Bender in Blogging, Humor.
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Dinosaur Comics’ Latest June 14, 2008Posted by Evil Bender in Humor, Skepticism.
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It’s totally the perfect comic for me. Check it out at qwantz.com, and witness discussions of zombie ghosts! “pretty frustrated” is a great description, I think.
Tony Zirkle: for all your hilarity needs April 29, 2008Posted by Evil Bender in bigotry, Humor, wingnuts.
I’ve been swamped with end-of-the-semester craziness, so I’m behind on my blogging, but I couldn’t resist pointing you to Tony Zircle: he’s seeking the Republican nomination for Congress in Indiana. While this wouldn’t ordinarily be newsworthy, he recently appeared on K.O.’s Worst Person in the World segment for appearing at a neo-nazi event, and now he’s defending himself. His website is full of what one Sadly, No! commenter hilariously dubbed right-wing political Dada. A few examples of his particular brand of batshit crazy:
I’ve been getting a flood of e-mails and phone calls, some of which include death threats, about my attempt to raise awareness of how the great porn dragon inspires Jews into pornography and prostitution and then, like the snake he is, turns the public against the Jews. [...]
Unfortunately, those Web sites are just a small fraction of evidence you can find on a Google search of combinations of “Jews” “pornography” “sex slavery” “Israel” and “prostitution.” Let’s save our Jewish brothers and sisters from this tyrant king porn dragon before we get to another world-wide pogrom after a war with Iran or some other conflict and after the Jews get blamed again.
Some other gems:
As a former prosecutor who has served in Elkhart, Lake and St. Joseph Counties as a drug dealing prosecutor, I can speak with some degree of first hand experience here: Drugs lead to about half or more of all crime.
The Great Porn Jihad War Tax: Prolific Porn Mule Serial Woman-Womb Slaughterers
The Nazis murdered on a previously unprecedented scale; however, the efficiency of the porn industry’s womanslaughtering is rapidly becoming its rival. If we had accurate metrics to calculate the current porn slaughter of what is very often busty blond white “Christian” women, who often dangle a cross below their necks, we might be able to argue that one of the most efficient contemporary international genocidal operations abounds in this particular white flesh market. The Internet is full of info about white slave trafficking of Eastern European and Russian women. The trade even caused Amnesty International to protest Israel’s mass prostitution rings a couple of years ago because many white women were being enslaved there where, unbelieveably, it wasn’t even illegal to own prostitute slaves there as of a few years ago.
And that doesn’t even touch his hilariously horrifying statements on his forums. So a challenge for my readers: what is the most hilariously batshit crazy statement on Zirkle’s website? The best submission will win the internet, or at least my virtual applause.
Hucknesia: the unintentional irony created when neocons reference the present while forgetting about the past December 19, 2007Posted by Evil Bender in Humor, Science, wingnuts.
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Via Pam, I note this amazing bit of irony by wingnut Townhall columnist Rich Lowry, who has coined the term “Huckacide”: “[to nominate] an under-vetted former governor who is manifestly unprepared to be president of the United States.”
Where was this advice to Republicans in 2000? Fortunately for Lowry, the election there was close enough, and the Florida government and SCOTUS sufficiently stacked to steal that election anyway. He’s right about one thing though: if Huck is the candidate, not even Republican election-theft can save them.
And the Douglas Adams award goes to… September 5, 2007Posted by Evil Bender in Blogging, Humor, News and politics.
The NY Times, for failing to acknowledge it’s sources is okay, even though such blatant plagiarism would earn a failing grade in my undergraduate English class. PZ notes that it’s bloggers who are being unfair here: obviously they should note the Times might use their story in advance, thus saving the the supposed newspaper of record some embarrassment.
One of the major selling points of that wholly remarkable book, The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, apart form its relative cheapness and the fact that it has the words ‘Don’t Panic’ written in large friendly letters on the cover, is its compendious and occasionally accurate glossary. For instance, the statistics relating to the go-social nature of the Universe are deftly set out between pages five hundred and seventy six thousand three hundred and twenty four, and five hundred and seventy six thousand three hundred and twenty six. The simplistic style is partly explained by the fact that its editors, having to meet a publishing deadline, copied the information off the back of a pack of breakfast cereal, hastily embroidering it with a few footnotes in order to avoid prosecution under the incomprehensibly tortuous Galactic copyright laws. It is interesting to note that a later and wilier editor sent the book backwards in time through a temporal warp and then successfully sued the breakfast cereal company for infringement of the same laws.
I just hope the Times doesn’t have access to a time machine.